Learning.

Today I'm reflecting on turning 38 years old. And learning.

Last night I saw Queensryche with one of my old college roommates. We were both metalheads, and in fact the last time we both saw Queensryche was in 1994 in support of the "Promised Land" album. Afterwards we talked about old times, what happened during the 17 years in-between, and what our plans are going forward. I felt a small piece of myself returning, some innocence and excitement about live music I had lost along the way. Mostly, I remembered what it was like to be in college.

Growing up I hated school. I was a good student, but I was a daydreamer. I was also bullied pretty relentlessly in middle school and high school by a few select folks. I grew to hate being in school, and by association, "learning." I could never keep my mind on my studies because I was constantly afraid of ridicule or injury. The fear that I came to live with in high school carried over into college. While I wasn't bullied, I was simply going through the motions of finishing my degree, and once I joined a band and actually recorded in a professional studio, I realized music was what I truly cared about. I can tell you that today my opinion is that I'll never set foot in a classroom again. It's just too much to think about.

But what I've come to understand is that TRUE learning happens every minute, of every day...all around us. I've learned more about myself and grown more as a person in the last 2 years than I have at any point in my life prior. I've learned on the job, behind the wheel of a car, all alone in my studio, and even in the depths of my deepest despair. I'm grateful to still be "teachable." And I'm grateful for the humility that comes with it.

Ambition. Jobs. Get money. The End.

Unless you are lucky enough to be making a living doing what you LOVE - it's a *job*. Get money. Go home.

There was a time in my life when I had an ego about "jobs" - ie. where I worked, how it looked to the rest of the world, how much money I was making, etc. etc. Recent life experience has taught me otherwise. In December of 2009 I was as financially destitute as I have ever been. January-August I was delivering pies for a major nationwide pizza chain. Now I'm working as an instructional designer, using my "degree," and the contract ends in a little over a month.

I remember being in my recruiter's office before I was hired for my current position. She was young. She was excited. She was going on and on about her career ambitions...how she wanted to ultimately be the *best* (paraprhased) "...senior vice president in charge of something-something-multimedia instructional-something-sales and development-blah-blah for the southeast regional business unit level-something-x with a concentration in oligopoly..." that she could be!

Who grows up thinking that? I wanted to be a police officer. ROFL not so much anymore.

Actually, I wanted to be a Lego expert or a Nintendo game tester.

What got me thinking about all of this? I read the job postings on Craigslist every day. All I see are a thousand qualifications required and a million hoops to jump through for: pennies on the dollar; a comfy chair; and a moon roof (oh, and the company only pays for half). I really do pity recent college grads. To enter a job market like this, an economy like this, with no experience...makes me shivver.

If I could, I would tell them all, "Ask yourselves what's most important to you. Then taylor everything else in your life to serve that end. Because they will have you chasing paper, chasing titles and brass rings, and driving you to drink. And in the end, you will have wasted years, and they will have made a fortune."

Bottom line: my priorities are my music, and the people I love. Aside from that? I get money, and I go home.

Anecdote from a CVS

My girlfriend and I were at CVS waiting in the check-out line, and sitting in one of the chairs at the Pharmacy counter was a co-ed who had obviously just graduated from UNC. She was also talking on her mobile, at full volume, about every detail of her life for the last 3 days. At first i was annoyed. Then I began to feel like I was on some reality show and the camera was rolling. Maybe I am. "And OMG, do you know what she SAID about me? I was like, really hurt, you know???" I began to remember college. The more things change, the more they stay the same. She concluded her conversation with the following: "So then they played 'Carolina In My Mind', and like, I just lost it. OMG." They play that at EVERY UNC graduation. James Taylor was a UNC grad. No big shock. (Mr. Rogers spoke at my commencement, no lie. We all sang "Won't you be my neighbor." No one lost it, I don't think.) ...and the kicker: "So I was like, OMG college is over, what's left of my life?" LOL!!!! :) I wanted to grab her phone, point at the cashier - and the customer - and say, "Absolutely NOTHING. You're either going to serve, or you're going to GET served." JG

"Breakup" turns ten!

My first CD, the "breakup" EP turns 10 years old this month.

I started writing tracks for it back in 1996 (I was 22). Actually, the first track I wrote for it (but did not know it at the time), was "Valley." I had written it late summer of 1994 (about a failed relationship, what else?), and it saw many incarnations before the one that finally appeared on "breakup." The next 3 tracks, "Baranquilla," "Dreamstate" and "Escape" were written on an old Yamaha 8-track cassette recorder which my friend and former bandmate Chris Wimberley lent to me. The bass line and drum track for "Proton Girl" were composed on a Tascam 4-track cassette recorder and Boss DR-660 Drum Machine about the same time.

I actually entered the studio (Osceola Studios in Raleigh) to begin recording "breakup" in 1997. I traded freelance graphic design work for studio time with my old friend and producer Tom Mohbat, of Bad Dog Productions. Back then, hard disk editing systems were extremely expensive and unavailable to the average home audio producer (by contrast, now, every Mac comes standard with Garageband). So we recorded all the songs on "breakup" to Alesis ADAT Tape. Tom would sit at the board mixing on the fly while I would loop and sequence MIDI parts in Mark of the Unicorn’s Performer software on an old Mac Performa (!)

Then I had to have the CD mastered and pressed, but my studio time ran over budget. I had fallen behind on rent by about 3 months, and was essentially eating nothing but popcorn and whatever leftovers my roommate didn’t want. Between money my ex-girlfriend loaned me and a gift from my Dad, i was able to dig myself out of the hole, master and press the CDs. They were mastered at The Kitchen in Chapel Hill by Brent Lambert, who at the time was running his studio out of his home. I recall taking the finished CD home with me and listening to it over and over. I doubt I will feel that way - that newness, that sense of accomplishment - about anything I record ever again. No matter how much better the writing may be.

During this time I was working in computer services at the Kinko’s in Cary, and became friends with one of the 3rd shift managers, one Jody Barnes...who ultimately designed the cover artwork. He was also the one who suggested that taking up DJ-ing might be a good idea ;)

Then one day in April 1998, I came home to find 9 boxes sitting in my living room. In those boxes were 1,000 copies of my CD. I recall asking out loud, "what the hell do I do with all these?"...

...and I have spent the last 10 years answering that question.

Along the way I’ve had many successes and seen "breakup" (and subsequent recordings) go places I never thought they would. I have also seen failure after failure, been cheated, ignored, lied to, swindled, and ostracized, by colleagues, industry types, even close friends (or at the very least, acquaintances), and then been patted on the back by those very same people as if nothing had happened. But in the end, highs and lows, good and bad, it has all been worth it.

And I think I may have even learned a thing or two along the way:

1) At some point, you *will* want to give up. Don’t.

2) Be prepared to spend a LOT of money up-front. Be prepared to NOT break even for several years, if at all. Then be prepared to do it again.

3) Don’t assume people will simply know about what you’re doing because you think you’re talented. Tell people about who you are and what you do, in any and every way you can. If you don’t, no one will come to your shows save for your girlfriend, your roommate, a few friends, one or two random co-workers and your MOM (and even they’ll get sick of it after awhile.)

4) There is good business, and there is bad business. Very rarely are they isolated from one another, and more often than not, one can be mistaken for (or even disguised as) the other.



Thanks to all the DJs, producers, promoters, record store owners, friends (both internet and in-person), family, and colleagues who have stuck by me through thick and thin and encouraged me along the way. I succeed only because of you.

Ten years before "breakup" I was barely a freshman in high school, who had just picked up his first acoustic guitar. Ten years has now passed since "breakup". I can hardly wait to see what the next ten will bring.

With great thankfulness and humility,
JG.